It's All in My Head

06:10 pm - Relient K - Be My Escape...

I’ve given up on giving up slowly
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate.
This one last bullet you mention
It’s my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away.

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Guess I failed and I’m ready to shown now
You told me the way and now I’m tryin to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake (yeah)
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I fought you for so long I should have let you win
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were you
So were you.



I've fallen into these guys hard... so good... and so clean lol... umm I have a myspace now... def. a good place to be... I'll get the link up here sometime soon... I'm feelin good... things are good... look for me under www.myspace.com ... look for Dana... or "The call me tater salad" lol... yah Ron WHite... PEACE...

09:52 pm

So I'm feelin so much better after that last journal entry... Just got alot off my chest which I needed too... I was actually able to enjoy the weekend and hangin out with Naomi this past week... I really don't know whats goin on there... but I'm happy just hangin out listening to some good tunes in her car wit her... She makes me happy I know that much...

Track is going well I'm finally healthy for the most part... I guess all in all life is as good as it can get... obviously it will take a while to get fully over everything I'm sure... but I'm atleast headed in the right direction rather than beating my head against a wall like I usually do... which that is the good part...

Current Mood: chipper

01:18 am - Never Underestimate...

The power of stupid people in large groups... MCDONALDS!!!... duh duh duhhhh...

Yah Closed the grill all by myself tonight... had it all pretty much wrapped at 12:25... I was damn happy... Though putting the 200+ degree grill back together was interesting to watch I'd assume... you see my hand disappear... a four letter word... me checking for burns... and repeating the process... many times... I have all these little red circles on my hands from where my knuckles scraped the grill... So tonight was fun for the most part... I only got a fucking 10 cent raise... bastards... so I'm at 6.75 now... So that's why tonight I was working my ass off... only mother fucker in the entire place to not stop working for more than 5 minutes... I was on the go cleaning assembling or ripping apart stuff for 8+ solid hours... including my official break though... but yah... still did not stop working... I need to do it once more tomorrow... not closing... but still 2-9... really crappy shift... just pray to god it's slow...

I really don't know what to think of my life right now... I swear my emotions are just fuckin all over the place... I can handle chantelle for awhile ya know... but then repeatedly seeing her... I just start a downward spiral... especially when she looks good... then I just fuckin die... which is why I was workin so hard tonight when she came back in... I put my head down and got shit done... even though I still felt like shit... least I was productive while feeling like shit... I don't know what to make of it... she's finally told me flat out... we will never be together again... and that's a partial relief because now atleast I won't get my hopes up... But it still hurts alot... I don't know what it is about her but I just can't get her out of my head... constantly I'm thinking of whats wrong with me, I know where I went wrong... Did she ever have feelings... I mean now I totally know what I did to heidi... and that makes me even more depressed feeling how I know she feels... I mean... chantelle can look me in the eye and say I don't like you like that anymore and I won't see you like that again... I mean... I know I didn't always seem happy with chantelle... but when I was with her... it was just great... and now I feel as though she never felt that way... she never felt the same way... I can't help but thinking that... and then in turn that makes me more depressed cuz I know she was out of my league to begin with... it doesn't help that the IM she left me the other night said flat out "I knew it would never work out for us from the start"... then why did you bother... I mean I told her when I said I wanted to go to college single I wasn't sure what the future held but as of now that's what I intended... and I thought she'd know that meant "feelings can change"... I guess I didn't say it right... again I fucked up... But now I don't know what to do... even if we were to ever get back together... is she doing it out of pity?... is she gonna hurt me again... what happened to all those feelings for kevin... is she using me for something... I'd be so paranoid... but she's gone and I just... I feel worse than I did after mallory left... alot worse... You've all heard me talk about Naomi... she's wonderful but nothing is actually happening there that I know... she's wicked hot... and also wicked leaving for England in July for like a year and change... so even if she did want something... I know it would end... So I'm happy hangin with her and visiting her at work... but I don't know if it will ever be anything more... And it's prolly better off that way... People say I never seemed happy when I was with Chantelle... Do I seem happy to you now... do I seem better... I just... I've fucked up so many times in highschool... whether not buying the right present... or cheating (MAJOR FUCK UP on my part in one case... I'll always regret that...)... or being cheated on... which obviously I did something to deserve that such as a Catch 22... what goes around comes around... to simply letting slip... one feeling that brings everything to a screeching hault... I'll never have that story book High School Sweetheart... when my kids ask me what my Highschool love life was like... I was the manwhore... and the nice guy that always finished last at the same time... I was either used for action... Or abused by love... I just wanna throw in here this is by far my longest entry and if you've made it this far into my rant... bless your soul... College can't come quick enough it really can't... If I had my choice... graduation tomorrow... Ithaca the next day... SIYANARA!!! I'd be gone... to those of you who'd actually miss me... trust me feelings mutual I'd miss you... but that doesn't mean I can't leave... I want a new life... I want a fresh start where the only perception people have of me is who I am... not who I was... now the question is... who the fuck am I... and who do I want to be... I guess what I'll have to tell my kids... is what I've already told Katie Go... "I'm here to make sure everyone else is havin a good time"... nothing could be more true... I listen to rants... I let people wail on me through IM's and the phone... they get their stress out... they feel better... and go on their merry little ways... I just take it... process it... spit out my best advice... and let them do what they please with my advice... I don't let it get to me... drama that doesnt' involve me that I hear... I have no part in... most of the time anyways... there are alot of people out there who have much better lives than they think they do... I'm by no means here saying I have a bad life... I know I have alot of friends and such there for me constantly... tomorrow I'll wake up... and go to church and have a good time... but sometimes people just overlook shit... you have to make due with what you have... it's the way life is... I just... The world needs to stop... I need to get off... breath... and then maybe we can resume play...

Chantelle if you read all that... I'm sorry... I mean every fucking word I've put in here lately... I'm stuck... and I can't seem to move on... so deal with it... I don't intend for you to answer these questions... I don't intend for you to do anything about anything I've written... I don't know what to call what I have for you... Love seems like to strong a word... as does hate... My heart misses you... misses your laugh and your eyes... your repeated stories and wonderful wonderful singing voice... but my mind screams no... it knows what you've done to me... it knows things you've said and done... it knows you want nothing to do with me... I can't just... drop everything and leave... ya know... I wish I could go back... and take back all the stupid shit I said... and hold your hand between classes... and fuck coach D and his huggy bear kissy face 10,000 meters on the track rule... I wish I could go and do it all over again... but I know I can't... I know whats done is done... what's been said... is said... and what I fucked up... is unforgiveable and unfixable... I fucked up... what's new I guess is the best question... I really hope you read this of anyone... if you atleast took the time to read this all... I guess I couldn't ask for anything more... and I know it may seem retarded to put it in my LJ... or talk to Jehna about things... but I don't wanna risk blowing up at you... or being cut off by you and not getting everything out... SO this seemed like the only way... and I don't care who reads this... prolly everyone knows anyways... I'm sorry... but it needed to get out there... and here's the story of my life...


SHORTENED VERSION OF ABOVE:
I FUCKED UP BIG TIME... repeatedly...

I started this at 1:18 AM... finished at 1:52 AM... FYI...

05:55 pm

05:37 pm - Dear Chantelle,

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable

Stuck to a chair
Watchin' this story about me
Everything goes by so fast
Making my head spin
Used up all my friends
But who needs them
When you mean everything

Well I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone

Nothing to share
Why should I
Care if you're near me
Give up all my plans
But who needs them
When you mean everything

I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable

Well I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable (x3)


call me when you know what you want... maybe if you're lucky I'll still care as much as I have for you... I'm tired of running around throwing myself at you... You need a friend you have plenty of other friends out there I'm sure you can torture... but when you want that "relationship" you talk about all the time... you know where to find me... and if not... your loss...

09:22 am - All State... WOAH!

Alrighty then... So All state... where to begin... Thursday night sang for 4 hours and then went back to the hotel... Woke up next morning to go to school at 8... ooo breakfast at our hotel they had "make your own waffle" machines... it was ILL... but yah sang basically from 8 to 8... with hour breaks for lunch and dinner and 10 minute breaks every now and then... I kept myself occupied with a friend of mine Naomi who goes to manchester west and knows mallory and jordan and everyone... we had fun... and then I ended up sitting next to two of the most powerful and best sounding basses in the state... Andrew from bow first... and he got like a 99.1 or something crazy like that at try-outs... then Donald... 16 years old... 6'4" prolly a solid 210+ and his doctors tell him he'll be 6'7" when he's done growing... but he is possibly one of the best male voices I have ever heard... period... So lunch that day was great... showed off the campus to my good friend JP from bow whom I met at Decathalon last year... I also met two new kids from Londonderry Justin and Chris who are friends of Maureens (my L-town prom date)... Chris is the CRAZIEST dancer I have ever met in my life... so awesome... lol they were both awesome kids... Just so much fun all around... I also met a girl from Bow named Brittany... a junior... very cute... She has a BF in texas... but we're gonna keep in touch I hope... JP and Andrew have all my info and I told her that so if she wants to get in touch she'll have no problem doing it... if not... well it was fun and she's still a nice person from what I know... Prolly one of my fav moments was the last day during lunch... Naomi was talking with this guy she sat next to in chorus... and he seemed really into her as most of the guys there did... and she's sitting there texting me the whole time LOL... I love it... She's a good friend to have around considering what some people in the church have done to her too... We can kinda relate though it's def. not the same sitch...

The Concert and singing itself was AMAZING... though it took a toll on me... I have no voice... lost it right before the concert... so during the concert... I could hit a few notes... but I was just really trying not to cough... because there is gonna be a CD made of the concert so I only coughed when the audience would start clapping...

So where do you think the first place is that I went when I got home... McD's... lol to see jehna and chantelle and everyone... Chantelle and I ended up driving around talking and listening to music till like 11... So now... I need a shower... and a voice...

To any all-state kids who get in here and read this... Thank you... the entire weekend was amazing... I hope we don't lose touch...

Current Mood: jubilant

02:54 pm

More then Useless
by Relient K


I feel like I would like to be somewhere else
Doing something that matters
And I admit here while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my thoughts stick together

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted by the loss of my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
And I'm just scared, scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that, that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me, I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right, do something right for once

So I say if I can do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial to let me give you will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
To rate look in my date book
It's packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And not that the regret will prove to get me to improve in the long run

Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
Sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this, you promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right, do something right for once

I'm a little more than useless and I never knew I knew this
Is gonna the day. gonna be the day
That I will do something right, do something right for once.

I noticed I know this week is the symbol of how I use my time
Resented, I spend it convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me doing anything with any consequence
Without me showing anytime with ever making sense of my time
It's my life and my right to use it like I should
Like He would for the good of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I'm a little more than useless
And never knew I knew this
Is gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I will do something right
Do something right for once

10:28 am - Undone - Weezer

I'm me, me be
God damn, I am
I can sing and
Hear me, know me

If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away

Oh no, it go
It gone, bye bye (bye)
Who I, I think
I sink and I die

If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away (as I walk away)
Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked
Lying on the floor, lying on the floor
I've come undone

If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away (as I walk away)
Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked
Lying on the floor, lying on the floor
I've come undone

I don't want to destroy your tank-top
Let's be friends and just walk away
Its good to see you lyin' there in your Superman skivvies
Lying on the floor, lying on the floor
I've come undone

Current Mood: calm

01:36 am

Figured I should update... I'm single again... I couldn't put heidi through me being torn between her and chantelle... it just wasn't fair to her, she deserves a guy who's gonna be 100% committed to her and only her... and nothing less... I wonder if I made the right decision... but it was for the best in my eyes...

I just don't know what to do... everyone is telling me I'm an idiot for being caught where I am... though it doesn't sway me one bit... I'm not over it... nor do I know when I will be... I guess I'm just gonna sit and wait until I do get over it... I mean... I don't know when it will happen but it has to... and btw... let me just say that fucking hitting me and yelling at me that I'm a dumbass in front of a bunch of other people... doesn't make me think you're supportive or a good friend to me when you decide to yell "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU RETARD!"... and start hitting me in the gut... yah you know who you are...

Track is going well... as is school... as of right now I've sold twenty astro cards... I'm gonna try and get 5 more... when I already have sara and jenna promised to me too... ooo and jehna owes me money... so really I need 2 more cards... SHIBBY!... go figure I needed to concentrate my time and energy elsewhere... and dear god I had alot of it...

I'm not saying I'm waiting for you... if you think that's what I meant earlier you misunderstood... I'm here until I get over you... I can't just wait... life needs to move on and hopefully someday mine will... but until then I just don't know what else to do...

09:47 pm - You want an update... you asked for it...

Why can't I see heidi more... and see chantelle less... this fucks things up for me really bad... cuz I should be so happy... I have a wonderful girl who likes me... yet I just... can't shake anything I've felt for chantelle... does she care... of course not... all these feelings are gonna do is fuck me up even more... Cuz why do I deserve a second chance... then again why should I want one... what reasons could I ever have to leave heidi... I HAVE NONE... why aren't I happy... why can't I pick up my fuckin life and carry on... why does life stop for me around girls... Why does everything hurt so bad... how come whenever I think of something I did to chantelle or chantelle did to me... I wanna puke knowing how bad I messed up... and that is by no means a physical stretch I constantly think I'm going to vomit from the stress I'm having... I constantly feel I need to hit something REALLY HARD... for extended periods of time... I need to go see jordans punching bag sometime this week... badly... Why can't people just be honest and tell me whats going through their heads... and why can't chantelle be honest with me and tell me how she's feeling... when I spill my guts for her she goes and tells someone else "it was awkward I didn't know what to say"... but yet she doesn't really say much to me... don't get me wrong here I would never call chantelle a bitch... or by any means any other horrible thing... she's a wonderful person just... WHY!... this seems to be the theme... why can't people be honest... why am I feeling worse that I was honest with her... why aren't I fucking bouncing off the walls in happiness about good things like track, school, all-state... PROM for christs sake... I'm going to my 3rd, and 4th ones in 2 years... and it coulda been a 5th if L-town and PA weren't on the same night... I mean I have SO MUCH TO BE HAPPY ABOUT... especially heidi... but I can't help feeling I'm an asshole and I've done things for the wrong reasons... and that I've lost something that actually meant more to me than I thought it did... I know nobody can answer these questions... most of them have no answers... I just... I need to let it out... I have more... it's just not shit that should be posted publicly in an LJ...

Senior Ball was fun... thanks cassie...
... track is good... school could always be better... Ithaca gave me a shitload of money...

I know things are never gonna change... but why do you lead me on and keep things from me when you know all you're doing is hurting me?

08:20 pm - Long ass week...

Okay... so today started out and I woke up and just had this bad feeling that I was gonna have a bad day... point in case... I did... Physics was fun we made masks and shit for St. Patty's day... then pysch came and I got my 14 page research paper back... worked pretty damn hard on it... FUCKIN C-... so pissed... and it was all like... 2-3 stupid little mistakes... he just doesn't like me at all... so then I decided I'd work my ass off on the take-home test... hour and a half later... I had maybe 9 out of 60 questions answered... and I don't even know if they're all right... then english we sat there and did shakespearan insults... word... Math I got yelled at for putting my head on the desk... and it was just... stupid... lunch was whatever ya know... it's never bad... it's never all good... chorus was just bland and study I just wanted to go home... so I get home and what do I have to do... change and go right back out to work... but during the 15 minutes at home was the high point of my day... I got accepted to Ithaca College too... now I just have to see what money they give me... so I'm 3-3 on college apps... I'm happy... anyways... get to work... immediately get stuck on the shit jobs... lobby trash and breaking down boxes out back... then in the hole... then making salads... it was stupid... and I was working my ass off... Chantelle I guess got called in or something so she was working and that was kinda awkward at first... and I just... I swear I've said it like a million times I'll be polite... and I'll like stand near her or whatever... but I'm just not wanting a friendship with everything that's gone down... apparently the message still has gotten through... like I was just trying to tell her to like stay on task at times and she took it as snapping... and then she's outside with the 4-5 smokers out there whom most of which should be working... but they took a cig break at the same time... she's standing out there when she needs to be taking Drive thru orders so she gets an order and this guy starts ordering and she's still outside so I tell the guy "one moment please"... then she looks at me and is like "why'd you do that I'm taking his order"... from the register outside right?... I tell her I was trying to do her a fuckin favor... and then she's like "OMG a sandwich and a Medium fry what a hard order..." So I just lose any patience I had with her and just like fuck it last time I do you any favors happy... Then things got worse because our manager Ryan comes back in and just looks at me and asks "What's your problem"... what's my problem... your ass outside doing nothing with me in here cleaning front and handing out Drive thru food while you all socialize... and so then I say my problem is I wanna go home cuz it's 8 o'clock... so he follows me back to the break room asking me why I'm so mean to chantelle and why I can't stand her and why I treat her the way I do... I went off on him in the break room... prolly dropped every swear in the book on his ass for a. butting into personal issues... b. making me out to be the only bad person in the sitch... c. giving me all those shit jobs earlier in the day for his own shits and giggles... he tells me to my face he gives me those jobs cuz he hates me... lovely... then again I don't think it helped me tonight that chantelles other X that works there decided to get in my face about her "wanting me back, and liking me again, and wanting my shit"... which I know isn't true but he doesn't know when to shut his mouth... my god... what is wrong with people... like I just don't get why it seems they keep comin after me... I clock in... I do what I'm told... and I leave... why the fuck does it have to be so much more complicated... Last time I EVER date a girl at work... it can't work... no way in hell...


just keep swimming... just keep swimming...

and/or

We'll all float on Okay... we'll all float on alright!



whatever... I'm done my rant... chorus comp tomorrow... senior ball saturday... only have to work 2 hours with chantelle on sunday... I'll deal...

Always look on the bright side of life! (Life of Brian song... good shit)

Current Mood: aggravated

09:58 pm

09:46 pm - I feel... Old...

I just feel old lookin at these little sophmores and freshmen who are getting liscenses and cars and jobs and even getting laid before me... man not only old but I feel sad too... lol... Things have been going OKAY... and okay means just that... the glass isn't half empty... or half full... I guess I'm just kinda wondering who the hell drank my milk and as I take a sip I hope they didnt' backwash into whats left ya know... bad analogy but hopefully it conveys the point... shoveled for most of the weekend... played around for a little worked alot... no mormon dance but their was a get together at the mormon church in derry... and just so people know I wasn't tryin to be anti-social when you all played spoons I just didn't wanna play another card game I wanted to be a little more active that's all... Work was a little awkward today but whatever I was like alone the whole time... first changing trash in lobby and playplace... then doing all the breakfast dishes and whatever else was thrown at me... and then i went in "the hole" which is the person taking orders and recieving money for drivethru... at McD's it's designed like a fucking box with 2 little windows... that's like it... well the high point of that was some lady was so happy with me cuz it's the first time she's ever come to our McD's in drive-thru and someone has gotten their order correct and not had to repeat it back 4 times to them and she said she was gonna talk to my managers and commend me and all that I was happy... made my night that much better ya know... Track starts in a week... I'm nervous but I've kept my body in good condition I suppose ya know... not doin to bad just need to run a bit this week outdoors to make sure... Heidi and I are doin well still nothing official at all but I def. enjoy being with her... and that's what I need right now i just to know someone wants to be there with me... and I hope she knows I'm here for her too... things I need to get done are all-state music... and prom crap... such as limo money and tux shopping... Senior ball is comin up this weekend... and I can't wait it's gonna be hot... and now... a song that just fits as always...

Bowling for Soup
"Almost"

I almost got drunk at school, at fourteen
Where I almost made out with the Homecoming Queen
Who almost went on to be Miss Texas
But lost to a slut, with much bigger breast-es
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did five years and then seven more
Cause I almost got bopped for a fight with a thug
Cause he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away
And I wish I would've had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessin' and now I'm destined
To spend my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go, thinking 'bout all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift, cause all the baggage weighs a ton
(baggage weighs a ton)
I know we've had our problems, I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I can't fit it in, I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessin' and now I'm destined
To spend my time missing you
And I almost had you (almost had you)
Almost had you

I almost wish you would've loved me too


that's directed in no particular direction... but those who think it hits them... it probably should hit you... square in the nuts... TOODLEZ!

o yah and this update is dedicated to: Jordan D, because she felt I needed to update it... HAPPY!?!?!?

01:26 am - US NATIONALS!

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

When you’re on a holiday
You can’t find the words to say
All the things that come to you
And I wanna feel it too

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playin' and havin' fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

Hip hip
Hip hip

When you’re on a golden sea
You don’t need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playin' and havin' fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playin' and havin' fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip
Hip hip
We’ll never feel bad anymore
Hip hip
No no
Hip hip
Hip hip
We’ll never feel bad anymore
Hip hip
No no
Hip hip

good song... umm CRAZY weekend... no time for anything and unfortunately I'm working 37 hours this week at McD's... and the managers are being fucking retarded and even though I've told them at least 3 times each that I want saturdays or sundays off... I'm closing both fucking nights... and I even requested this friday off too knowing they'd be retarded like that... go figure it's McD's... well I'll be down in boston again after church tomorrow... and then closing at McD's right when I make it back home... so I'm not doing anything for monday and tuesday I also have off but emily wants to hang out for a little and watch the notebook so we might do that but iddno what's goin on before or after... so leave one here... I'll also get back to everyone with my schedule for the rest of the week since I'll still have days... just nights are freakin shot...

04:01 pm - Guster - So Long...

yes i heard all that you had to say
that's when it all fell apart
might be hated, but i can't pretend
i liked you better before
so long, so long, front foot leads that back one
go on, and it won't be too soon
i'm gone, i'm gone and on to the next one
so long, and i won't be back soon
yes i'm blue but from holding my breath
like i have from the start
i'm the villain and i should confess
i liked you better before
so long, so long and on to the next one
go on , and it wont be too soon
i'm gone, i'm gone, bet you saw this one coming
so long, and i wont be back soon
it's hateful to say, see it this way
dont even know who you are
but in my defense, i'd do it again
don't need to know who you are
so long, so long, and on to the next one
go on and it wont be too soon
you're gone, you're gone, are you waiting for something?
go on, cause i wont be back soon
it's hateful to say, see it this way
dont even know who you are
but in my defense, i'd do it again
don't need to know who you are
so long, so long, front foot leads the back one
go on and it's wont be too soon
you're lost and gone and on to the next one
dont need to know who you are
dont need to know who you are

I'm in a better mood... ya know people who I got to bitch to last night especially... thanks hun... Umm yah the story about atkinson police... BIG MISUNDERSTANDING!... aight so heidi went and slept over a friends house and told her parents... but they completely forgot about that but knew I was seeing her on her break at work... so when I woke up sunday morning... they'd been up till like 3 in the morning calling my cell and my house and everything looking for her... but my dad only heard the atkinson police message and started FLIPPING OUT!!! It was pretty funny afterwards... So yah... I think I'm getting over stuff... my snow day was just... so awkward... but I won't get into it... peace out...

10:47 pm - Jet - Look What You've done...

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seemed like such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Ooh, ooh

Give me back my point of view
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo of the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone


Aight... I've really tried to be nice with this whole chantelle thing... I haven't said anything that wasn't directly told to me by her best friend... and I haven't gone around yelling she's a slut... I could have... easily I could... I could be a much bigger asshole than I have been... but I haven't... I've just ranted about things that she's lied to me about, or done to piss me off... and now what happens... now she's the victim... now she's the one people are feeling sorry for... why? cuz McD's girls can't stop from causing drama (jehna you're exempt from this group but you know who I'm talkin about)... some girls just decide to take it upon themselves to start shit... such as "Dana called you a slut"... "Dana says he never liked you anyways"... blah blah blah... I may not have been the best boyfriend ever... but if I didn't like her I would have left... Something kept me there... yah it's that I liked her... go figure I was only dating her for like 2 months... And I've kept the insults to a bare minimum honestly... I would never call her a slut... am I happy that she dumped me cuz she had feelings for kevin... of course not... will I call her a slut... no because that's just not my style... if a guy can be a playa... a girl can too... nobody's a slut or a whore... in most cases... I haven't said mean shit... I just want her to either be honest with me and make an attempt to be nice and not make backhanded comments such as "Make sure you don't tell heidi about you goin to college single or it will kill the relationship."... come on like that's not a kick in the nuts... or she needs to shut her mouth and take her guilt trip somewhere else... cuz if it's one thing I don't like... I hate people who walk around asking for people to feel sorry for them constantly... GIVE IT UP!... and yes hipocritical maybe... but just to let yall know so I don't seem like that... I'm just venting... it's a journal I'm not looking for sympathy... maybe advice... but certainly not "there there... there's other fish in the sea..."... so yah... whew... weekend was filled with all fun and no play... O yah I have a funny story about Heidi... and her parents... and the atikinson police department calling my house... LOL!... I'll hold you all in suspense for another entry lol... MWAHAHAHAH!

I miss them... I miss them so much but nothing will ever change...

10:32 pm - 9 GRAND baby...

Couple good things happened today... Umm got some shoes in the mail from the New Balance wear test program... they're nice but my dad might snag them anyways...

Umm well I have a friend again but she just needs to learn to be honest with me and not get pissed without telling me...

o yah and the title... IONA GAVE ME A SCHOLARSHIP OF $9,000... renewable for the 4 years I'm there... it could be worth $36,000!... nice chunk of change... and go figure it's an academic scholarship... who'd a thunk it...

g'night people!

Current Mood: peaceful

03:59 pm

Word... So valentines day was wonderful... I hope everyone enjoyed their flowers, I just have so many wonderful women in my life that I wanted to make as many of you happy as I could... I know my night was awesome and couldn't have been more fun... :)...

Umm I started running again and it's all good you know... good times are comin... and I have freakin 28.5 hours of work this week... wednesday night... friday night (till close) saturday 9-5... so I can go to melindas party and sunday 12-7... so this should all be good... good money... good times at the party... yup yup... it's all just good for me right now... I'm happy... I mean you'd think I'd be down and out still wouldn't you... but I'm okay...

The dance saturday was also great, besides ripping my pants on the dance floor... lol not the way marcus did that one night... but still a big hole under my knee now... I can't wait to go back... see gabe and vinnie and everyone and just GOOF OFF... you don't have to worry about what people think back at school cuz the only people that really care from your school are right there beside you... anyways there is another one March 12th people... sign up in my LJ and we will get a carpool goin... and just one massive interview with the bishop for all the non-members I'm gonna be bringin...

anyways I'm happy... got tickets for beauty and the beast... did I mention I'm wicked happy... haha... peace out cub scouts...

09:18 pm - WOOT WOOT! jones holiday soda!

You Are Mashed Potato Soda

Like sucking on a stick of butter...

08:22 pm - Long time...

Lets see I haven't updated in so long and that's why I think I just had a melt-down at select choir...

Personal Life... Well chantelle and I are just friends now but its all good cuz it was best for her and I... I'm okay with it ya know... life rolls on... other than that nothin much in my personal life... people piss me off from time to time... and even do it specifically to get a rise outa me... that pisses me off even more when people do something just knowing that it's gonna piss me off... Yah so people love me and people hate me... whatever life rolls on right?

Sports.. O MAN... HIGHLIGHT OF MY PINKERTON CAREER (so far I still have one season)... 4 x 800m... I made it by the skin of my teeth over someone who was prolly much more deserving... but I made it... So I ran the slow leg and we figured we'd do okay... I GOT THE BATON WITH A 20 METER LEAD ON LONDONDERRY AND EVERYONE ELSE!... we were doin crazy... londonderry and merrimack caught me though... but I didn't let them get away... handed the baton off half a second behind merrimack after their 3rd leg and I burned the londonderry kid on the last lap... he'd used so much energy trying to catch and run away from me... that he collapsed when he crossed the line... hehe I love it... Bucholz ran a sick last leg with 4 teams vying for the title... unfortunately someone always has to come up on the short end of the stick and we got 4th... but hey it def. wasn't due to lack of effort... you shoulda seen bucholz face he was INTENSE!... the team overall did great... we did double the point roberts expected out of us and took 5th in the state... AWESOME JOB BOYS! ON TO OUTDOORS!

School has been aight... missed honor rolls by 1 lousy point in english... but that was my bad because I got the 72 on my senior essay... which I put maybe... 6 total hours of work into... lol I deserved what I got so it's all good... I got into Iona and URI so far... just waiting to hear about money and scholarships...

So yah this weekend could be chillin with a couple friends friday night... and I'm not doin anything saturday... yet... michelle kelly wants me to come to the mormon dance... I haven't been there in so long... I'm gonna get mobbed... and it sucks it's just gonna be such a bad sitch for me... she's bound and determined to fix everything which bless her heart is good intentions... but damn it's like that dude who was chained to the rock in hell... he pushes it all the way to the top... and everytime it will just roll back down and crush him... and I don't wanna be crushed... I just wanna sit on that rock by myself at the bottom of the hill... then break the chain and head to college... I still love ya michelle... and you can try... do whatever you want... but it's highly doubtful of anything that's gonna work...

anyways I'm glad I got this out... WEE... I feel much better... thanks for listening...

Current Mood: chipper